Posted by: brittany marie | May 25, 2008

lullabies at midnight

The best use of time in the summer is spent curled in bed, ignoring the world. Coming to such a conclusion I try to end my day by ten in the evening. I’m often far from successful and tonight would be an example of my failure.

 

This isn’t the first night I’ve been up far past my self-imposed bed time, but it is the first night I’ve found myself caught up in a strange sort of gloom. Several things have appeared in my realm of existence that I’m not sure how to handle, much less treat with grace and peace. Added to this situation is my literal and figurative separation from a community.

 

And I find myself terribly alone, at 1:30 am, in a dark mood, stuck in a still house.

 

However, there is an odd event taking place outside my window at this very second. Not more than a hundred feet away there is a small pear tree, called so for its shape and not its outcome. And in that pear tree there is a lone mockingbird.

 

I know. I grabbed a flashlight and tracked it down. Which in itself is odd…imagine looking out your window at an ungodly hour to find someone staring into a tree with a flashlight.

 

But that lone bird is proving to be the most passionate creature I ever encountered. This is the third time I’ve caught him up past midnight. And he’s singing with such a fierce resolve that you would almost believe it is only seven in the morning and that he has the honor of announcing the sun’s arrival for a new day.

 

And he’s loud. He’s letting out long whistles and short trills and intense notes going high and falling low with a profound determination.

 

A good deal of my being is lightened by his repertoire. He must be the only bird that is singing in my neighborhood right now…perhaps he’s insane; maybe he’s lonely, territorial or delusional. But he’s going to sing…no matter how dark it gets.

 

Either way, it’s encouraging that I’m not the only lunatic up this early hoping for change.

 

And who knows…maybe I need to sing, even in darkness.

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